Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Coming home..


Our History:
Samuel was born on October 22, 2006 but his story begins way before that.
I was so excited to find out I was pregnant! After confirming I was indeed pregnant I started visiting the OBGYN. The first ultra-sound done indicated that his heart rate was 194. This was high but I was also only 8 or so weeks pregnant and there was no concern at that point. I returned a couple weeks later and his heart rate was 210. I can vividly remember the doctors response. "hmmm..that's high." I asked, "what is normal?" "oh between 120 and 160." "OK..so now what?" The doc said "well now I call Fletcher Allen (the bigger hospital across the lake) and they tell me what they want me to do."

So I left the office and on my way home he called me to tell me that Fletcher Allen wanted to see me that week. Even then I wasn't overly concerned. I myself had some heart issues and I thought that my baby must be going through what I went through. After months of visiting Fletcher Allen weekly and also visiting the docotors office here in Plattsburgh twice a week, no one could tell me what was wrong or why it was wrong. All we knew for sure was that the baby's heart rate was to high and his heart was not squeezing properly. They hospitalized me a couple of times to give me heart medications in hopes that they would reach the baby to help slow his heart rate down. He was developing ok. He was little but growing. I can remember hours of rubbing my belly and telling the little baby that it was ok...I'm not worried...I know he was going to be ok.

I visited Boston for another appointment and the cardiologist said he didn't mind waiting another week or two to deliver but when I went to see the OBGYN she informed me that it was in the babys best interest if she induced me today. In that moment it all became real for me. Till this point little Sammie had been safe in my belly and now they wanted him out. I remember the concern in her face. Most women are probably excited to meet their baby...I was to but I was more scared that he wouldn't survive out of the womb.

I never took any of the classes you take when your pregnant. I new I wasn't having my baby at that local hospital and I didn't care to see all the other mom and dads and their happy faces. I don't know how many times I had to explain there was something wrong or how many times people told me not to worry. Haha..I don't say that to people anymore. I often times thought people didn't believe me. Like maybe I was making it all up for attention. I was fine. Everyone could see that so how could my baby be so sick?

His due date was November 16, 2006 and I knew my family and friends were wanting to plan the babyshower. I told them I didn't want it until he got here. Some thought I was crazy but you have to remember that we were told there was a strong possiblity that he wouldn't survive. How could I come home to all that stuff without my baby? That was one of the choices I made for myself and my own sanity. We bought a few things and my sisters bought the crib and that was enough.

After three long days of being induced he finally arrived! It happend so fast. One second it was just Steve and I in the room and next thing I know there are OB doctors, nurses, NICU nurses, and Cardiologists all there watching the show! Samuel came quickly..and I remember thinking don't be upset when they just take him..they have to save him. Then I heard his cry! I still couldn't see him but I looked at the nurse and said "you can't cry without oxygen" she reassured me "no you can't..he's breathing!" My favorite two words for the rest of my life. The NICU nurses took him and did all the things they needed to do and then the OB nurse asked the cardiologist if I could hold him. He said "for a few seconds." That's all I needed..just long enough to give him his first kiss and hug and tell him in person that I love him. And then they took him.